so it's been over 2 weeks (probably closer to 3) and i have not kept up this blog. no surprise there. unfortunately, there is no epic excuse for this - i have just been being my boring self for the past couple of weeks. except for the incident...
last tuesday night, i went to bed like any other night. i think at this juncture it's important to note that i have been living alone for the past three months (for the first time in my life) and that i'm a very very light sleeper. so there i am, sleeping peacefully, dreaming about cadbury creme eggs, days off and volcanoes when a very distinct creaking noise woke me up. i sat up quickly, my heart racing. a psycho killer was obviously in my house, out to impale me for no apparent reason (like in all those horror movies - there's always one or two gratuitous victims at the beginning who have nothing to do with the story but get killed anyways... kinda like a practice run. i was, in my mind, that practice run).
so there i was, 4 am, convincing myself that it was just the house settling and that it was nothing when all of a sudden, i heard it again - moving closer. then something moved in my bathroom! at this point, any and all rational or logic thoughts in my head were replaced by "ohmygodohmygodohmygod someone is here! after me! WHAT DO I DO?!"
what did i do?
i called 911.
that's right - i called 911 at 4 am on a tuesday night (or wednesday morning if you're picky about those things). the conversation went a little something like this (except in french) :
911 lady : 911 what's your emergency?
me : i think someone is in my appartment and wants to kill me.
911 lady : someone is trying to kill you in your appartment?
me : no no, i just think someone is here, and if they are, they must want to kill me.
911 lady : (pause) ok, so you think someone is in your appartment. where are you now?
me : i'm in my bedroom at the very back of the appartment.
911 lady : what's your address? we're going to send over a cop car.
me : 285 dominion.
911 lady : ok fantastic (pause) a car is on its way. are you still in your bedroom?
me : yes (at this point, i grabbed a small but sharp throwing knife i keep on my bedside table).
911 lady : so what makes you think someone is in your house?
me : well i woke up, heard a noise, waited a bit and then heard it again and it sounded like someone walking so i called you guys.
(at this point, i'm noticing how dumb i sound and am thinking "oh god, cancel the cop car")
911 lady : ok, and do you still hear it?
me : we-eelll... i'm walking around my appartment with a knife, all the doors are locked (jesus i'm an idiot), no broken windows, nope, i think i was wrong, no one's here! (please tell me you're calling off the cops)
911 lady : well, we're going to have the cops look the place over just in case.
me : no no, i think i'm fine, i'm really sorry that i made you go through all that trouble...
911 lady : better safe than sorry! besides, the cops are almost there.
me : really, it's ok. i'm good.
911 lady : too late! they're there!
me : can't they turn around? (puzzled silence) ok, no that's fine.
911 lady : can i ask you to do two things before we hang up?
me : sure, whatever.
911 lady : put down the knife and unlock the doors.
me : oh, right. bye.
the cops looked over my appartment, asked me a few questions (i think they were trying to assess whether or not i was on drugs) and then left, not before telling me there were SIX squad cars outside my place. i almost called in sick the next morning just to avoid the neighbours.
either way, i've determined that some sort of mutated rodent is behind all that noise - there's no way a regular sized, small rodent made all that noise. i wish i could provide you with some sort of drawing of what i'm imagining, but i lack allie brosh's mad skills. just imagine a giant rat-cat-carp-snake creature. that's what made me call 911.
4.04.2010
zombies!!!
i know, i know.
zombies are overdone. they got too popular, spawning books and movies that are actually successful, people talking about them all the time... i get it. however, last night, i had the chance, nay, the pleasure, to play zombies!!! the board game.
at this point, i should let you know that i am both a fanatic of board games and a sore loser. my friends then thought it would be a good idea to pick on me.
the goal of the game is to not die, be the first to the helipad or assemble an army of 25 zombies. it's actually quite fun if you get to play. we named our fictitious zombie town "saulnierville station". we moved our little dudes on the tiles. we kicked zombie ass. well, they kicked zombie ass. because you see, with the cards in their hands, my friends decided to basically freeze my little army dude. that's right. i sat there. doing nothing.
did i mention i am a sore loser? well, i'm an even sorer non-player.
so what did i do? what did this "mature", adult woman do?
(no, i did not flip the table over, although i really wanted to)
i sulked like a child. i did crosswords instead. i'm horrible.
i lost (go figure), but my friends made me feel much better. we're going to record our second audiobook next saturday. i'll keep you posted.
on another note, happy easter!
zombies are overdone. they got too popular, spawning books and movies that are actually successful, people talking about them all the time... i get it. however, last night, i had the chance, nay, the pleasure, to play zombies!!! the board game.
at this point, i should let you know that i am both a fanatic of board games and a sore loser. my friends then thought it would be a good idea to pick on me.
the goal of the game is to not die, be the first to the helipad or assemble an army of 25 zombies. it's actually quite fun if you get to play. we named our fictitious zombie town "saulnierville station". we moved our little dudes on the tiles. we kicked zombie ass. well, they kicked zombie ass. because you see, with the cards in their hands, my friends decided to basically freeze my little army dude. that's right. i sat there. doing nothing.
did i mention i am a sore loser? well, i'm an even sorer non-player.
so what did i do? what did this "mature", adult woman do?
(no, i did not flip the table over, although i really wanted to)
i sulked like a child. i did crosswords instead. i'm horrible.
i lost (go figure), but my friends made me feel much better. we're going to record our second audiobook next saturday. i'll keep you posted.
on another note, happy easter!
4.03.2010
how i think post-its should be used
so i've decided to write a second post today rather than grade the essays my grade 12 kids have so begrudingly written last week. i know they're expecting their marks on tuesday, but that won't likely happen. i suppose i should try and be interesting now, shouldn't i?
thursday was april fool's day. i love april fool's day. it's a great day - the one day a year i have an excuse to behave the way i do most days. you see, despite the fact that i am a twenty-six year old high school teacher, i have the maturity of a fourteen-year old boy. anywho, this was it, the day to prank the kids... here's how thatwent...
the first prank...
my first period class is a grade 10 french class, and the kids are pretty good (most of the time) - i figured they'd be gullible, but i needed something good. something with substance. i thought about telling them i was dying of mad cow disease (easily the scariest disease out there - seriously), but they wouldn't buy that. i thought about telling them there was a pop quiz (!), except i never give pop quizzes and it is probably one of the oldest tricks in the book; they'd see right through me. finally, i figured it out : i would stage a fight with a student. i found the perfect ally, justin, a kid with whom i get along most days, but doesn't really love school and isn't exactly a model student. we discussed it quickly and then waited.
the first bell rang.
the kids started filing in, finding their seats, excited about both april fool's day and easter long week-end. they were chattering away, oblivious to my plan.
the second bell rang.
i started asking them about their plans for the week-end, were they excited, blah blah blah, and then i asked them to take out a sheet of looseleaf and a pen - they were going to write an opinion letter. they weren't going to be evaluated on it yet, they could write about anything, etc. i heard some groans, and then, justin wrote on his sheet "madame est une bitch" . i yelled at him, sent him to the office. he flipped me the bird, grabbed my starbucks from my desk and spilled it on the floor, the kids gasped.
muahahahahaha. i had them right where i wanted them. some of the nicer ones started to clean up the coffee on the floor, others whispered feverishly... they were wondering what i was going to do to justin. was i going to have him expelled? was i going to break his fingers one by one? was i going to cover him with slime?
no.
no i was not.
i went to fetch him from the hallway about seven or eight minutes later, and we walked back in class together, shouting "poisson d'avril!"
i thought the kids in the class were going to riot. oh they were not impressed. they were pissed. they were livid. lasers were shooting out of their eyes. but it was worth it.
the second prank...
patt was one of my students first semester. he is now done my class, but still visits me pretty often. well, on wednesday, patt thought it would be funny to put a piece of chewed up gum on my door handle.
so i put post-its all over the windows of his car (i ran out of yellow ones, so i had to use the green...)
thursday was april fool's day. i love april fool's day. it's a great day - the one day a year i have an excuse to behave the way i do most days. you see, despite the fact that i am a twenty-six year old high school teacher, i have the maturity of a fourteen-year old boy. anywho, this was it, the day to prank the kids... here's how thatwent...
the first prank...
my first period class is a grade 10 french class, and the kids are pretty good (most of the time) - i figured they'd be gullible, but i needed something good. something with substance. i thought about telling them i was dying of mad cow disease (easily the scariest disease out there - seriously), but they wouldn't buy that. i thought about telling them there was a pop quiz (!), except i never give pop quizzes and it is probably one of the oldest tricks in the book; they'd see right through me. finally, i figured it out : i would stage a fight with a student. i found the perfect ally, justin, a kid with whom i get along most days, but doesn't really love school and isn't exactly a model student. we discussed it quickly and then waited.
the first bell rang.
the kids started filing in, finding their seats, excited about both april fool's day and easter long week-end. they were chattering away, oblivious to my plan.
the second bell rang.
i started asking them about their plans for the week-end, were they excited, blah blah blah, and then i asked them to take out a sheet of looseleaf and a pen - they were going to write an opinion letter. they weren't going to be evaluated on it yet, they could write about anything, etc. i heard some groans, and then, justin wrote on his sheet "madame est une bitch" . i yelled at him, sent him to the office. he flipped me the bird, grabbed my starbucks from my desk and spilled it on the floor, the kids gasped.
muahahahahaha. i had them right where i wanted them. some of the nicer ones started to clean up the coffee on the floor, others whispered feverishly... they were wondering what i was going to do to justin. was i going to have him expelled? was i going to break his fingers one by one? was i going to cover him with slime?
no.
no i was not.
i went to fetch him from the hallway about seven or eight minutes later, and we walked back in class together, shouting "poisson d'avril!"
i thought the kids in the class were going to riot. oh they were not impressed. they were pissed. they were livid. lasers were shooting out of their eyes. but it was worth it.
the second prank...
patt was one of my students first semester. he is now done my class, but still visits me pretty often. well, on wednesday, patt thought it would be funny to put a piece of chewed up gum on my door handle.
so i put post-its all over the windows of his car (i ran out of yellow ones, so i had to use the green...)
foreword
huh, so this is what it's like to have a blog. if you're reading this, i warn you - i will likely post once or twice and then, as it is with most things, forget to continue and then let it die with all the other well-meaning blogs ("i'm going to post every day!" last updated September 2003)
my blog title may have you wondering : "what the hell is this about?" and the answer is, i have no sweet clue. i have no goal whatsoever for this blog. none. no expectations (especially as i don't expect my commitment to it to last longer than one week). things you may or may not see on it are recipes, my thoughts, chapters of a novel i will never finish writing, rants and raves.
let's begin, shall we?
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